Esther Perel+

This week's reflection: What Olivia Wilde taught me about "Mating In Captivity"

How consulting for the film "The Invite" taught me about the book I wrote twenty years ago

En Plus: After We Survive, How Do We Live?

Not all who survive near-death experiences are cautious; some throw caution to the wind, even as it rises.

Letters From Esther: “Should I stay or should I go?”

A client I couldn’t stop thinking about, a conversation fifteen years later, and what uncertainty can teach us about love.

Are You Abandoning Me or Am I Suffocating You? (Ad Free)

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Are You Abandoning Me or Am I Suffocating You?

Listen to the latest episode of the Where Should We Begin? Podcast.

This week's reflection: my favorite books on eroticism, monogamy, and relationships

A look at some of the books behind Mating In Captivity

En Plus: How We Created A Cultural Moment

And what we couldn't say in 2006

Between Us: Bruce Feiler and The Power of Ritual

"It's virtual or ritual. It's URL or IRL. And if we choose ritual, it's the way home."

Love in the Time of AI with Kashmir Hill (Ad Free)

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Love in the Time of AI with Kashmir Hill

Listen to the latest episode of the Where Should We Begin? Podcast.

En Plus: Is Fantasy A Threat To Commitment?

Watch now (2 mins) | This week, I asked Dr.

7 Questions With Dr. Justin Lehmiller, The Archaeologist of Sexual Fantasy

“When we're told we can't do something, that often makes us want to do it even more.”

What's most misunderstood about Esther Perel's Mating in Captivity?

On the 20th anniversary of Mating in Captivity, I was asked: What idea is quoted back to you the most often? And then I received this question: What idea is most-often misunderstood?

This week's reflection: the visual syntax of desire

What the many covers of "Mating In Captivity" have taught me about my own book

Experiencing Joy Without Guilt

Did you listen to this week's podcast episode? I speak with a young woman who'll be getting married. But she's very close to her non-verbal autistic brother, and she wonders if feeling so joyful is a betrayal. Listen in here: https://youtu.be/x4W0EBLcWX4?si=qv3dvfh-vgj94v0z

En Plus: The Cycle of Adaptation—And How It Breaks

When behavioral adaptations estrange us from our emotional needs, it can be time for a change.

Behind the Session: A Couple's Disappointment After a Session

And my response to their criticism

Insight To Practice: Erotic Arrivals, Erotic Departures

And the liminal space of anniversaries and doorways

Can I Be The Center of Attention In My Family for Once? | Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel

On this week's episode of Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel: With her wedding just weeks away, a young woman calls Esther with a question she’s been carrying for most of her life: how do you allow yourself joy when you’ve learned to make yourself small? Growing up alongside a non-speaking autistic brother taught her to be vigilant, self-effacing, and attuned to everyone else’s needs. Joy and celebration have always come with guilt. As the wedding approaches, those old patterns threaten to keep her on emotional eggshells during one of the most meaningful days of her life. Together, t

To Make Room for My Brother I Learned to Disappear

Listen to the latest episode of the Where Should We Begin? Podcast.

To Make Room for My Brother I Learned to Disappear (Ad Free)

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En Plus: What 40 Years Has Taught Me About Therapy

On this week’s podcast, the person who had contacted me for the session walked away disappointed.

Mating in Captivity is translated into 30 languages

Celebrating 20 years of Mating in Captivity, a cultural touchstone translated into more than 30 languages.

When You Don't Want to Live With The Answer to a Question

One of the major questions we talk about on this week's podcast is: What happens when you ask a question, but you don't want to live with the answer? Watch on YouTube here: https://youtu.be/DNhPmDOuhP8?si=Fe6KMT7cdMltR4NB

Esther on Erotic Survival

From Sessions Live 2025

The Most-Quoted Line from Mating in Captivity

What is your favorite quote or idea from Mating in Captivity?

20th Anniversary of Mating in Captivity

You pour yourself into writing a book--and you don't know what will happen next. What a joy, on the 20th anniversary of the publication of Mating in Captivity to see how it's resonated. I'd love to know what it's meant to you!

I Gave Him an Ultimatum. Now What? (Ad Free)

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I Gave Him an Ultimatum. Now What?

Listen to the latest episode of the Where Should We Begin? Podcast.

I Gave Him an Ultimatum To Stop Hiding Our Relationship | Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel

On this week's episode of Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel: A person gives their partner an ultimatum, and they fail to meet it. What happens then to the relationship? This couple comes to Esther with that question, wondering what future, if any, might be possible for them. A painful misalignment lies at the center of their polyamorous relationship. She wants to be an integrated part of his life, including his other partnerships; he wants to keep his relationships separate and invisible. Tired of feeling like a secret, she finally gave him an ultimatum: make me a visible part of your

En Plus: The Adult Child's Guide to Grey Divorce

On this week’s podcast I speak with an adult child of “grey divorce,” or divorce that happens later in life, about how she can resign the role of therapist in her parents’ relationship. As rates of grey divorce have risen since the 1990’s, more adults have found themselves in this position: caught in the middle of their parents’ rupture, expected to navigate it like their peer, rather than their child, meanwhile their own pain is often unrecognized and unresolved.

Letters From Esther: How What Started as a Question About Desire… Turned into a Much Bigger Project

Twenty years of Mating in Captivity

When a Parent Doesn't Say "I love you"

On this week's episode of the podcast, I speak with a woman who's struggling with her relationship with her father. When she says "I miss you," and all she wants is "I miss you back," he never says it. But when she says "Come over Sunday," or "Can you help me with..." he always shows up. We talk through this and more on the latest episode of the podcast: https://bit.ly/4tRi7Kh

Between Us: Dené Logan + Esther Perel Live on Substack

As Dene Logan and I prepare for her panel on masculinity at my annual conference, Sessions Live, we’re asking questions about how we talk about masculinity at all.

Key Questions That Inspired Esther Perel's Mating in Captivity

20 years ago, I asked: Can we want what we already have? One week from today, the 20th anniversary edition of Mating in Captivity will be released. The world has changed. The question hasn’t. Let's revisit the last 20 years together: https://www.estherperel.com/mating-in-captivity?utm_medium=social

What Love Passes Down

Exclusive video for Entre Nous members

My Parents Got Divorced, So Why Am I Still in the Middle?

Listen to the latest episode of the Where Should We Begin? Podcast.

My Parents Got Divorced, So Why Am I Still in the Middle? (Ad Free)

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My Parents Got Divorced, So Why Am I Still in the Middle? Where Should We Begin? With Esther Perel

On this week's episode of Where Should We Begin? When a mom reaches out on her daughter’s behalf, an old family dynamic comes into focus. A woman finds herself caught between her two divorced parents, still playing the role of mediator and emotional caretaker. As she speaks with Esther, she starts to question what really belongs to her and what it has cost her to carry stories that were never hers to hold. Chapters 00:00 Why Are You Still in the Triangle? 01:01 What Did Your Mom Really Want You to Hear? 03:57 How Did You Become the Family Therapist? 07:29 Is This Really a “New” Divorce? 08:19

You Don't Own Your Partner

Tell me: What are your thoughts on this? P.S. Did you see the announcement for the live webinar I'll be holding exclusively for Sessions Live attendees on Tuesday May 5th? This Zoom with me is included with your Sessions Live ticket. We still have some seats remaining: https://sessionslive2026.estherperel.com?utm_medium=social

This week's reflection: a dating salon for the anxious generation, part 2

I am often struck by how little some people expect from their relationships. Social media creators in particular are sometimes used to getting little hearts online but often little connection and support “IRL.” This dynamic was present at the second dating salon I recently hosted with Hinge (

En Plus: An Exercise for Embodied Eroticism

What if all you needed to have an erotic experience was a piece of chocolate?

Conversations From Sessions Live 2025: Julia Samuel

In this month’s newsletter I asked, how do we cultivate aliveness in a time of disruption? But for those of us facing death and loss, the ultimate disruptors, I realize this question can be a bit of a non-starter.

Between Us: Sara Nasserzadeh + Esther Perel Live on Substack

Desire and attraction: these terms are often used interchangeably, but the differences between them are important. Together, they account for the horizon of physical, sociocultural, and relational forces between us.

7 Questions with Jaiya, Somatic Sexologist Extraordinaire

“I think too many people believe that their sex life is over because lust decreases or disappears completely or desire becomes much more responsive and attractions shift.”

How To Start (Even When You Don't Know Where You're Going) (Ad Free)

Go deeper on the latest episode of Where Should We Begin?

How To Start (Even When You Don't Know Where You're Going)

Listen to the latest episode of the Where Should We Begin? Podcast.

How To Start: Esther Perel in Conversation with Jodi Kantor and Priya Parker Where Should We Begin?

As work becomes the place we look for identity, stability, and meaning, the stakes feel higher than ever. Esther invites you in for a live conversation between friends, New York Times journalist Jodi Kantor and facilitator and author Priya Parker. A question echoes through the room: how do you start when you don’t know where you’re going? This is a conversation about uncertainty, ambition, and finding the courage to begin anyway. For Jodi Kantor's new book How to Start: Discovering Your Life's Work visit https://www.hachettebookgroup.com/titles/jodi-kantor/how-to-start/9780316609555/ To pre-

Definition of Desire

Where will you be May 15 and 16? I'll be with leading experts discussing Desire & Its Disruptions. If you're a therapist, clinician, coach; or in, or adjacent to, the mental health field; I'd love for you to join us. Few in person tickets remaining, as well as virtual. Up to 8 CE credits. 90 Day on-demand replay. More info here: https://sessionslive2026.estherperel.com?utm_medium=social

En Plus: Is "chatting" cheating? Continued.

Last weekend while I was at the TED conference, I reflected on this widely-circulated essay by Lindsey Hall, who discovered her boyfriend’s ambivalence, doubts, and criticisms of their relationship when she read his ChatGPT history.

Esther Perel Says We Got This Wrong About the Loneliness Epidemic

What we got wrong about the "loneliness epidemic."

Off the Cutting Room Floor - Opening Our Relationship

Note from Jesse Baker, executive producer of “Where Should We Begin?”

Insight To Practice: Let's Come Alive

I probably don’t need to convince you that many of us are living in a crisis of aliveness, or I should say, a crisis of deadness.

Is This the Person I'm Meant to Be With I Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel

They arrive in Esther’s office at a crossroads. A year ago, they decided to de-escalate their relationship: to transition from romantic partners to live-in roommates. In their decade-long relationship, they had become stuck in dysfunctional patterns and toxic behaviors. But they didn’t want to force a complete separation: they still loved each other, and they couldn’t afford to move out on their own. A year into this platonic experiment, things feel better between them. Does this mean they should they get back together? Or does it mean that by continuing to live together, they are prohibitin

Is This the Person I'm Meant to Be With? (Ad Free)

Go deeper on the latest episode of Where Should We Begin?

Is This the Person I'm Meant to Be With?

Listen to the latest episode of the Where Should We Begin? Podcast.

This week's reflection: Is “chatting” cheating? introducing the chatbot betrayal.

Is consulting an A.I.

En Plus: A Script For Accountability

In this week’s podcast, I speak with a woman about how she utilizes scripts for tricky conversations with family.

Conversations From Sessions Live 2025: Paul Browde

In this month’s newsletter I ask what it means to cultivate aliveness in a time of disruption.